Black Orchid

I miss you.

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:36:37 GMT

I miss you. I still think about you. I know you think badly of me and it kills me. Because what you think isn't true but I know its easier if you believe it to be so. You never came back to talk to me so I know you're gone forever and sometimes I can't help but cry over it even now. Especially now when I should be so happy all the time but I can't stop thinking of you and that one time. I want you in my life, I miss you, my friend. Our talk of books and your love that rivals mine. Only you and I know that thats the way to end it. Talk of books. Thats how it started after all.

I Will Be There For You

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:12:35 GMT

When I lost faith
You believed in me
When I stumbled
You were right there
For every act of love you've done
I owe you one

There were hard times
I know I survived
Just because you stayed by my side
With all I have, with all I am
I promise you all my life

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever the journey may lead to
I will be there for you
I will be there for you

Through sorrow
Or the darkest night
When there's heartache
Deep down inside
Just like a prayer, you will be there
And I promise you all my life

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever the journey may lead to
I will be there for you
I will be there for you

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever the journey may lead to
I will be there for you
I will be there for you

I'll always be there

I Need You

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:10:30 GMT

I don’t need a lot of things
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring
I’ve always needed something
But I’ve got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You’re my only reason
You’re my only truth

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
There’s a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

You’re the hope that moves me
To courage again
You’re the love that rescues me
When the cold winds, rage
And it’s so amazing
’cause that’s just how you are
And I can’t turn back now
’cause you’ve brought me too far

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
There’s a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven’s gate
There’s a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you
Oh yes I do
I need you
I need you

My Flavor!

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 03:36:28 GMT

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain.

(If you were not Tea you would be Chocolate.)

They... like me?

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 02:00:10 GMT

Result #2
Albus Dumbledore is glad you are an Order member but thinks youre too anxious.
Lord Voldemort sees you as a major threat and wants to have you killed as soon as possible.

Minerva McGonagall thinks you misbehave way too much.
Severus Snape hates you.
Rubeus Hagrid thinks youre a good person.
Horace Slughorn thinks you were a brilliant student with great potential.

Sirius Black loves you with all his heart and would kill for you.
Remus Lupin thinks youre a great friend.
Bill Weasley is secretly madly in love with you.

Lucius Malfoy acts like he hates you but actually has sick fantasies about you.
Bellatrix Lestrange wants to personally torture and then kill you.
Peter Pettigrew thinks youre scary.

UPDATEDNESSNESS! As ever, in List Format....

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 04:46:06 GMT

1. Work is pretty good. Not sure if the other office girl likes me but it doesn't -really- matter. We don't talk in the office we just get on with it, which is good. I like having loads of paperwork to do and stuff...to do.... still only four hours a day but hopefully it goes to full time! At the rate they are paying me that'd be a miracle and Dan wouldn't even have to work.. *giggles* Huzzah for overpaying people!

2. Got our apartment!!!!!!! Well, townhouse really. It's 1200sq feet and its purdy and stuff. Well, we haven't actually seen the one we're having. They were gonna give us this one... in on October 5th but then called and said those people had to stay an extra month but they had one avaliable.. next week!!! We were like eek, no way! And so then Dan called yesterday and they said they had arranged one for us to move into October 9th! It's further away from the head office which is good... for you know.. hiding cats and stuff. *giggles* and faces the pretty courtyard. We'll definitely have a 'house warming' party once its all prettified and stuff.

3. Dan has been studying php. Yay! R has a server he wants Dan to work on and wants him to help with some stuff. He's so excited that Dan is picking this stuff up and I'm excited too. Wahoo! Dan gets off work in 6 weeks so I'm getting him to study 24/7! I'm a mean wifey. :(

4. Sleeping pills are my lifesaver. I love them. They say on the package they aren't addicting... but I think mentally, I am. I sleep so much better wtih them and am actually more or less rest in the morning. Except the past couple of days I've been feeling run down and blargh. Dunno what up. Probably just stress. THATS neverending.

5. Dan thinks I should take up a hobby. I want to learn how to knit! Does anyone know how to knit and can you teach me? I want to make scarves and blankets... only squares! Nothing complicated! :D

6. And hopefully Leah is coming to church with us sunday. :D It'll be so much fun. I'm enjoying church. It's different from what I'm used to. But very welcoming and inviting. And R is a fun sunday school teacher!

Um so thats it for now. Just figured I should do some sort of update even though it's not very interesting. Um..so there it is! Love you all! *hugs*

bangs head against keyboard

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:59:08 GMT

Power out at clinic today. Did random stuff. Got told I'd quickly get in trouble if I showed AFFECTION for the clinic cat?!?! Apparently nobody likes him so they kick him out everytime he tries to go inside. He's YOUR cat FFS! He's the sweetest thing in the world and I adore him. I didn't even know he existed until today. How crap is that? Anyways, they sent me home early. Really greatly dislike this job. 'Office Manager' is the owner's daughters and today instead of worrying about the vaccines going bad in the fridges she worried about her ice cream melting in her house and whined, and i mean, WHINED to her mom about what she was supposed to do and for her mom to take care of it cuz she had to go and visit her husband in prision. Uh huh. Nice.

Generally run down and grrry at the moment. Dunno why. Mountains looked so huge and misty and gorgeous on the way home though. Can't wait till Sunday. :D Yay for going to church! Ack, I need to buy a skirt before then. Found one, just need to get it now! Roll on the weekend! (Now to get Dan to get me chinese food to compensate for his Star Wars Galaxies night...)

Emotions

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 02:52:04 GMT

Found while looking for a new quote for Lylia... gonna start living like this.

"An emotion is an automatic response, an automatic effect of man's value premises. An effect, not a cause. There is no necessary clash, no dichotomy between man's reason and his emotions—provided he observes their proper relationship. A rational man knows—or makes it a point to discover—the source of his emotions, the basic premises from which they come; if his premises are wrong, he corrects them. He never acts on emotions for which he cannot account, the meaning of which he does not understand. In appraising a situation, he knows why he reacts as he does and whether he is right. He has no inner conflicts, his mind and his emotions are integrated, his consciousness is in perfect harmony. His emotions are not his enemies, they are his means of enjoying life. But they are not his guide; the guide is his mind. This relationship cannot be reversed, however. If a man takes his emotions as the cause and his mind as their passive effect, if he is guided by his emotions and uses his mind only to rationalize or justify them somehow—then he is acting immorally, he is condemning himself to misery, failure, defeat, and he will achieve nothing but destruction—his own and that of others."
-Ayn Rand, (interview),

Soooo....

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 00:02:20 GMT

Good News : Got offered a job. Early hours so still have most of the day left to do stuff. Basically be working same hours as Dan. Have another interview on Friday that would be AWESOME if I got so put off my start date until Monday. Fingers crossed. That'd be great.

Bad News : Best friend dislikes my husband and by extension, myself. Um. Well. We'll see how this goes. Big blow and hun I love you, you know that. Yes this hasn't turned out so great but if it needs to be said, it needs to be said and worked on so that we can really all be friends. You said yourself meds would help. I know they do and I hope they do for no one else's sake but your own. Maybe someday soon we'll be in a place where we can go and make s'mores--with british chocolate. :) And maybe NOT talk about Kingdoms for once?

Anyways. Kinda in a numb mood today. Had a great day with A. Got some sandwiches and went up to the canyon and talked for a few hours. Then watched some Kitchen Nightmares. Gordan Ramsay is a really nice guy in England! Silly Americans making him all mean and stuff. Hmph.

Um. Thats it. Go my life.

OKAY UNIVERSE! I GIVE UP!

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 19:43:56 GMT

"INSERT LOTS OF SWEARING*

I give up. White flag. Surrender. Any friends out there wanna tell me they secretly hate me? Want to run me out of Utah, the one place I really love living? Want one of my loved ones to die? Cats? Come on, what next? I seriously, give up.

Remember those pesky people from Colorado who ruined my life? What a coincidence that they decide to pick today to e-mail me after a year of silence.

Thanks Universe. Owe you one.

Well then...

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:57:45 GMT

Been thinking of taking a long break from things I love to do lately. Not so sure if it was a good idea to begin with as much as people say don't take it personally-everyone does. This has caused contention between people IRL. People were against us in almost subconcious ways before they even met us just because of characters we play at an RP. This is ridiculous to me. It's ridiculous for me to be almost in tears because things keep changing behind the scenes and we get an attitude like "well you may think that, but you don't really know whats going on.." because things aren't being discussed by everyone involved in decision making, but by a select few and then those decisions not posted for general consensus. I know my DH is feeling like he's being ignored and discounted because everyone wants to do their own thing with their own characters but not run it past the -Character- GM. And he doesn't like being left out of the loop or not consulted on rather major changes to things that directly affect him and the players he's responsible for. I think we can all agree in that. Yes, it's just a game. But when other people forget that as well and make personal attacks or take things personally and get worked up about it, it works us all up. And its hard to believe when this is such a huge part of so many people's lives that its not a reason for things that happen IRL. Suffice it to say anyways, depending on how things go in the next few days, I can count about 8 people who may not be there anymore, or will be in a very limited capacity. This makes me really sad and sorry for anyone I offend with this post but I need to get some things out too. My feelings may change in a week, a day, an hour, a minute. But right now this is how I feel.

Hope For The Hopeless....

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 19:51:14 GMT

Stitch in your knitted brow
And you don't know how
You're gonna get it out
Crushed under heavy chest
Trying to catch your breath
But it always beats you by a step, all right now

Making the best of it
Playing the hand you get
You're not alone in this

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope

Cold in a summer breeze
Yeah, you're shivering
On your bended knee
Still, when you're heart is sore
And the heavens pour
Like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it

Running against the wind
Playing the cards you get
Something is bound to give

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope
There's hope
There's hope

There's hope

PLEASE!

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 19:01:20 GMT

Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please....

REALLY want this job. It's sooooo perfect for me!

Please pray for me. :(

Updateness...!

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 08:31:16 GMT

I will put it into list format. This format worked very well for Leah-Pounce so I shall use it for my updateness!

1. New job. Got and over with. It was causing me to spiral downwards very very quickly. I know its horrible. I WAS so excited about it but in reality it was a lot of cold-calling and angry people and I couldn't take that. Angry customers one thing. Angry people because you're cold-calling..completely understandable and not-good. BUT! I have an interview later today for a Lead Wedding Consultant. :o Fun, Creative, and Challenging is what they say. No matter what it pays its just 'extra' for us really (after it pays off bills) so being happy is #1. So fingers crossed! Very excited!

2. Went out to East Canyon Resevoir with the Whites and their church. SO SO SO much fun. Honestly, I'll become mormon just for all the fun they have. ;) Dan and R. went tubing and I didn't see them the whole time I was there! A. and i went for a walk by the beach and she taught me how to play Hand and Foot. Hurrah! I'm part of the -in- crowd now! Vertigo kicked in big time on the way up the mountain. Honestly , who thought small winding roads with no rails going up a mountain was a good idea? But on the way down it was pitch black and we saw deer and there was lightening and stuff. Very pretty! Me loveith the Whites.

3. Superbad=Superbad. The Last Legion=Surprisingly entertaining although wait for DVD. Ash Rai is hawt. Now if I can only convince Dan to see Hairspray with me.... any ideas???

4. Umm. Crock pots rock and I'm making a roast tomorrow?

Ok thats it. Wow. Nothing like updating in list form to make you realize how boring your life is!

Remember...

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 10:05:37 GMT

Terr: (I personally think your *s hold you back. You always do such short posts when you use them. When you don't use them, you come out with the beautiful paragraph-long posts that are just... ~Heart flutters~ )

Just a reminder to self to not use *'s anymore.

Awwwwh.

Love that kid.

Do you ever....

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:13:51 GMT

Feel that the people you love (family, etc) don't really know who you are anymore? I guess I was just surfing myspace, looking at people's profiles since I haven't been on in awhile, and it seems that the only person ever mentioned on my family's myspaces, is my sister. They all think she's going to rule the world. Which is funny to me. She doesn't have any ambitious plans for her life. I was always the dreamer of the family. Maybe its because I've always been so different from everyone else, more emotional, less practical, that they don't relate to me. Almost feel like they forget about me and maybe the potential I might have. Or do they think that I've used it all up or made choices in my life that take an amazing future away from me? I don't know... maybe I'm just feeling a bit stuck in ways. I don't feel as productive and useful as i should. I hate that. But then I don't want to do just anything with my life. That leaves less time to figure out what I WANT to do and just do it! A lot of times I wish I had gone to college. But my life would have turned out so completely different. I know i know. Still plenty of time to do that. I'm only 21. But I see people from High School online who I can hardly remember being with, who are close to graduating and i just feel...sad. Maybe one of those days. Don't they all seem to be 'one of those days' lately? Hrmm.

On the plus side! Leah you silly girl! I AM ADDICTED! Hubby took me to Borders today and I got New Moon and finished it in FOUR HOURS. I couldn't believe it myself. I know I'm a fast reader but even Twilight took me longer than that. I love Jacob! Although I am the hugest Edward fan of course, Jacob is just so loveable and ...lovey! Edward is smoldering and dangerous...just the way I like them! Mwahaha! Hmm..maybe I could alternate guys each day? ;)

So so so looking forward to next week. Going to reread the books tomorrow while I clean and pack for this weekend. But after Eclipse---WHAT AM I GOING TO READ FOR A YEAR!?!??!!??!?!?!?! Already decided Stephenie Meyers came along right when I had no more Harry Potter---PERFECT....but but but but... I'm not patient. :( WAAAAH. And breathe.

Really looking forward to this weekend, although I know Aimers is super stressed about it and it makes me sad. :( Keep offering to help but think she's too stressed to even take up the offer. I understand... sometimes its easier to just do it all yourself, much as it stresses you out. I get like that sometimes. Looking forward to it and seeing everyone again (finally! roar!) although thunderstorms will not be overly fun in a tent---well, Dan says they will, but he's weird. We all know this.

Wondering if i should stick to my original plan to stay up all night, clean and pack and read all day so I can actually manage to go to bed at a decent hour tonight and not be screwed up for the weekend. Staying up all night in a dark tent is muy scary! Maybe I will... I'm tired though. And getting rambley and slightly bipolarish. Hm. Now theres a thought.

Poor Dan. Kept him up with my emotionalness and then cuddling and talking till 3am and now its 5:13 am and he has 15 more minutes to sleep and I think my rapid typing is annoying his dreams... guess I'd better finish up then. :(

Um....does anyone know what/if I should bring anything this weekend?! Raincoats? Computer? Chocolate?

I have issues.

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 07:56:26 GMT

I'm sorry. To you both. I love you.

You'll never read this but I'm too destroyed and yet, revived, to not say it somewhere.

I need to make my life what I want. And need. And feel good about myself doing it. I can't rely on you anymore to do that for me. We both know that. It was never fair to you.

Came to the realization today that I have issues. Heh. Loads of them. And I was doing a lot of things for the wrong reasons. And while I know reasons for my breakdowns, and a lot of things that have been buried deep that pop up unexpectedly during them, I don't know what to do about them. And I have to find out. I need to make myself happy, and healthy, and be spiritual and faithful and loving and creative and regain those things I -did- like about myself.

Don't really know where this is going now. To those who I know -will- be reading this... sorry for the ramble you'll know nothing about, hehe. I just had to put it down somewhere. You guys really do mean the world to me, even for supporting me when I'm a mess in private and you don't know why. Even when we're not talking or seeing each other as much as we should, and when we do, I don't know how to act or let go. It's been a long, long time since I've felt comfortable with myself and had anyone really spend time with me like this. Thank you thank you thank you.

Oh noes, I'm getting mushy now. :D

Best go to bed.

Love to you all.

B

February Song...

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 17:51:47 GMT

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

IKEA made me Depressed....

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 02:31:04 GMT

Ikea made me depressed. Well, apparently. But not really. :D Actually I just got home and felt sad. Not sure about what. Laid on the couch with all the lights off and listened to depressing music as loud as possible. Not really depressed, more like just wanting a quiet moment to allow myself to be sad. Today is a year from when I had my ultrasound and found out that my baby had died. Today isn't going to be my depressed day though. Friday is a year from when I had my D&C. Thats the day that really depresses me. I'm glad I'm here though, and hopefully will be around friends that day. For those of you who wondered, thats why I stopped doing my diet for the week. Realized I'm going to want nothing more than to curl up on the couch and comfort eat on Friday. Luckily we have a fun-filled week planned so as long as I keep busy, I should be okay. Going to allow myself to be sad though... not bottle it up. That makes it worse. So if I'm unusually quiet this week... or, unusually chatty, just bear with me please. Just trying to fill a void that has never healed, a part of me missing. Need to get through this week and then things will go back to normal. Love you all though and thanks so much for putting up with me! *HUGS TO ALL*

Yipee!

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 02:09:55 GMT

Can't even explain how blissfully happy I am to be Home. It's funny...I don't know that I've ever felt this way about any place that I've lived. Alaska was home but I was never happy there. I never smiled just to be out, see the mountains, bask in the sunshine. Being here, among friends, and our new family just seems too good to be true. For once, things are going good. And I am almost scared to admit it, because as soon as I realize life is good, something goes terribley wrong. But I just have to hope and pray that we've finally followed God's 'urging's and moved where we've always felt we should be. We were going to try a new church this morning but as I had another breakdown last night we only went to bed at 3am and couldn't manage to get up at 8. Looking forward to trying it next week though, and Sandy did mention taking us with her to her church if she can get up in the morning in time. I look forward to it, I'm open and willing to learn.

Friday we saw everyone after they got back from taking Sandy out. It was nice to see everyone again and they invited us to the Mandarin on Saturday for the best chinese food in the country! Can't pass that up. Saturday we went out, went to lunch and on our way out to see Transformers we got invited....to see Transformers! Much better with friends and wasn't a terrible movie, although it was a bit long and I had no idea what it was about! The geeky boys loved it though, and it was almost cute seeing them trying to explain the 'plot' and characters to their other halves who could care a little less than less. Afterwards we went over to my darling Arly's darling family and watched the worst horror---well, worst any movie that I've ever seen but was hilarious as it was MST or whatever and the comments made me cry! Dounuts helped as well!

Today we had lunch at Macaroni Grill and Dan managed to make something resembling carbonara that was yummy yummy and then we went to Gateway mall! Seems to be a weekly thing for us, but I love the laid back atmosphere and the sun as you shop. Then we came home and read! Now I have chinese...yum! So byeees!

A Thought for the Day...

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 01:38:23 GMT

A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The object of life is not to be "happy." The object of life is to make society a better place in which to live. Every one of us has something to offer. In the words of G.B. Stern: "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute."

Going Home....

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 15:15:35 GMT

Finally going home. So many emotions tonight. Can't write them all down, I'm sorry. Now is my chance to change a lot of things, start over, try to be better. I desperately need to be better. Instead of a chance to see my family, it has been a cleansing experience in a lot of ways. Learned a lot about myself and what I need to change. I don't know if i can, to be honest... but I have to try. I want to be that person I used to be. Innocent, full of faith, love, hope, loyal to a fault. I've become bitter and bitterly unhappy. That is not me and I have no control over a lot of my actions. It scares me. I need control. I need to like myself again. Certain people have recently made me feel very good about my appearance. Yes, I still need to work on things, I know that and no amount of Love will change my mind....but thank you for accepting me for what I am today instead of what I once was. But I need to love myself and feel like I have values and a purpose again. That I'm a kind, loving, honest person. I am working towards that again. Maybe being here has made me so miserable, yes, because of the memories it stirs, but also because it reminds me of the person I no longer am. Life has twisted me in ways I don't recognize. But I do believe its a choice I can make to get back to the person I once was, just a little older (eek!), and wiser.

I Want To Come Home

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 05:25:05 GMT

I want to come home. I hate it here, I've never been happy here. Apparently I am selfish and greedy for being upset that family takes 10 vacations a year, not one to come and see me, and then complain about only seeing me once a year or longer. -I'm- the one who chose to move away, so it's my fault and why should their lives change? I'm sorry, maybe because we're family and thats what family does, it changes and people adjust and you still stay close however you can. I guess I'm the only one who feels that way. I haven't been on a vacation or a honeymoon with my husband of almost three years, because each time we get the time and money, we visit family. I'm tired of it and I give up. I've had people mad at ME because im trying to see everyone up here but so and so took time off to see me, but so did so and so and for SOME reason we can't all hang out together which is bull.

I BEG BEG BEG my family to come and visit me, because I want to share my life with them. But no one cares or has the time for me. They want to go to Palm Springs every other month, they want to go to Hawaii once a year, they want to go to Alabama and see family they already saw two months ago , instead of the sister they have now seen after 15 months.

I'm sick of defending mormons to them, I'm sick of telling them to stop being brainless sheep and believing what anyone tells them (not that i say that in those words), I'm sick of feeling like im a bad person because i don't get up and dance and shout and speak in tongues and worship the way THEY do. I'm sick of being judged. I'm sick of defending my friends, the only people who really love me and understand me against name calling all in the name of a 'joke'. I'm sick of having to tiptoe around a sister who can do no wrong even though she's the only one who has drank and partyed and been promiscuous and used to be very violent to me and i have NEVER DONE ANY OF THAT! But because I was always online, i was the bad kid and because i had trouble in school and no one would help me I'm the loser. And because I have had a string of bad luck I'm the failure. Because SHE is dating a godly man who works 14 hour days and claims to LOVE to work and calls my dad 'sir' and my mom 'ma'am' but has my 18 yr old sister sleeping over at his house at night and would break up with girls saying 'god doesn't want us to be together'.

Yes, he seems alright. But he is in no way 'better' than Dan. Dan is a loving, respectful, patient, adoring, hard working man who even though he wants me to work wouldn't say anything because he knows I need a break and wants me to get better.

Ok, Terr has made me feel better. I so can't wait until he visits at the end of summer, early fall . I needz my bestest friend. :( (Dan is other bestest friend!) He knows me so well and can calm me down. We need to get him moved to Utah! Honestly! So off I am and sorry about the rant... .:(

OK, This is Getting Ridiculous....

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:46:37 GMT

It is 2:45pm today and so far I've cried at....

What Not To Wear - A proposal

10 Years Younger - A man calling his girlfriend beautiful

10 Years Younger - A woman paragliding.

Update :

Army Wives (no big surprise there!)

Will update as the shows progress...

*sighs*

This is not looking good.

What Makes A Mother?

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 16:46:27 GMT

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
"We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke here hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"